You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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