we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
