Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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