not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
