i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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