First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
