The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
