if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
