i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
