erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
