Don't you send me to vm
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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