YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
