I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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