Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
