I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
