My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Randomize
