just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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