I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
