I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
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