Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
