Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Randomize
