I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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