i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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