i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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