I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
never play flip cup with pint glasses
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Randomize
