Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
