I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Randomize
