How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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