I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
