he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
