oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
