I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
