I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Randomize
