And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
