we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You are a genius and a whore.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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