"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
