I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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