he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
