She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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