Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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