i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
