i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
