I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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