Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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