i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
