you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
