Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
