While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
