I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
