My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
