we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
