the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
