worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
